Facebook.. is resistance futile?

Just came across this article in the NY Times and it's put some strong analysis behind something that I've been wondering and even worrying a bit about in the last six months or so. For some time I've been getting messages from friends inviting me to be their friend on Facebook. I've resisted, but the strongest reason has been simply trying to limit the time that I spend online which is already far too much.

Blogging takes up a fair amount of time, but it's pretty rewarding because (at least I imagine that) many people might get something out of what I have to say. But I don't know ahead of time who they are. And interestingly, I never know before hand what people are going to find interesting and what they aren't. Of course, much of what I post probably isn't useful or interesting to anyone, but at least it is accessible and they can make that determination themselves.

On the other hand, I have to say that I am much more circumspect and disciplined in what I write on my blog then in what I would say to my friends and colleagues directly. So it would be nice to have an opportunity to share with a larger but constrained group of people some of my more personal thoughts or outlandish ideas.

But to take on Facebook would be to invite at least an extra few hours a week of time that I could be spending on software, blogging, or other writing or even -- hey! -- "real life". So I've been actively ignoring all of those "friend requests". But I keep having these nagging thoughts that perhaps I am missing something vitally important that everyone else is already in on. Like, I'm getting too old for new mediums -- "I don't cotton much to that Internet stuff". So recently I asked a close colleague whether I should get on Facebook -- his advice? "Don't do it! I waste far too much time there." So my concerns have largely been about time. But lately I've been worrying that there is more at stake here.

Not too long ago I had the experience of having someone say that he had written about my work on his Facebook page. I was flattered and appreciative but I actually found the whole thing a little.. I guess creepy is too strong a word, but perhaps disheartening? Here is something happening on the Web but I can't actually participate in it or even see it unless I agree to join somebody's closed commercial system. I don't know, but does anyone else have an issue about that? Especially for those of us in an Open Source community like Eclipse?

It seems sort of like having to attend a tupperware party in order to meet the neighbors. And I really find this whole friends invite thing obnoxious, or worse. Talk about invasion of privacy -- it's like Facebook can't get away with spamming you, so instead they con your friends into doing it for them! The whole thing somehow feels really manipulative and, yeah, ok, you know what, creepy really is a good word for it. Which brings me back to the article above and the central point -- outside of the stuff that you really do want to only share with your closest friends, what the heck is wrong with the Plain Old Web?

And luckily, for those who see a real need for the kind of more personal many to many communication that Facebook offers, there are emerging alternatives like Ning and Diaspora* that are beginning to come out of the woodwork and even gain some traction. But because of network effects it is going to be very hard to dislodge Facebook as the one place where everyone bares their inner soul to (a well-contrained part of) the world. And because Facebook pretty effectively controls your content, it's going to be awfully hard for people to break away. But I'm finding myself cheering for the success of these new players. Because, really what's the point of having a private social network when someone else owns it?

Oh, and by the way, you can be my friend any time you want. It's easy, just post a comment here, write me an email or respond in your own blog -- or if you don't mind going out of your way a little but, drop by for a visit here in Nelson. Can I be your friend too?

-Miles